Broken Bridge

Every human being ever lived would have faced this broken bridge.

At this juncture one must embrace one of the three most powerful emotions of mankind.

The choice lies between fear of falling into the Abyss, love towards your home,and the faith to take the leap.The worst is the fear,because it is the most difficult one to admit to oneself.

It won’t let you return back to home giving up the quest.Everyday you would stand on the ledge saying to yourself you can make the leap, but the fear won’t let you.You would say “today is not a good day, maybe tomorrow”.You would spend the day trying to find the courage to do it the next day.But you will never find it as it is not courage that makes the jump but it is the faith,the belief that you deserve to make it, that does it.That is why it is called the Giant Leap of Faith.Whom you put it in, is up to each and every one.I for one always put it in God.

Since you do not seek faith but courage, you will never find faith.You will spend the rest of your life contemplating the life you could have had if you had made the jump and saying I reached this far,how could I let go.

The most diificult to have is faith.Because it cannot be earned,bought or felt.You would know that you have it when you belive you have it.Then how do you get it.It has to be a gift from one to another.because science or maths cannot explain it.It is not reasonable.More often you would doubt it.But if it is a gift,from someone dearer to us we would hold on to it for the simple fact that it is a gift.The gift should produce awe and wonder in you then only shall you truely explore it.If you have faith,you will believe that you can make it and you will.

The most peaceful is the love for your home.And it will always be justified by the lovely memories you have with your loved ones.Ever you will  wonder what would have happened if you would have jumped.That question alone will remain your only unrest in life.Beware,never tell yourself that you gave up the jump for your loved one.because one day they may leave you behind.The truth is that you gave up the jump  because you wanted to be with them.And it was for your own happiness that you returned home

A thousand Ys...But Why?...

Natalie opened her eyes to a window through which the sun’s rays were crawling in on her saying that it was way past waking time. It was the day she promised Bran that she will take him to the baseball match. But due to the approaching storm that is building over the sea they have called the match off, fixing a reschedule in another city. Being a widow and raising a son has it difficulties she thought. 

With a high salaried job as Asst marketing manager to one of the biggest corporations in the US, she could find many suitors. She would have married for the sake of Bran but every time she went on a date, she could only find a shadow of Dominic in them, the man who had her heart once. He went to war and never returned. Even two hearts couldn’t save him it seemed.

The cancellation of the match wasn’t the only consequence of the storm. The company was making a move on one deal which now has to be closed earlier in fear that the client won’t be able leave the city if the storm comes in. The meeting is scheduled in a private jet taking the client back to their place . And She was suppose to be on that plane in an hour or so. It wasn't difficult to make that even-though she was late to wake up. She has already made all arrangement except one.

 She wasn't able to find a babysitter for Bran.The usual options had vanished due to the approaching storm,people who are single have the luxury to run toward safety at the first sign of trouble. They can always settle back in seeking another apartment for rent or another part time job. they are free. Ah how i wish i could do the same... but i have responsibilities, promises made and promises to safeguard. 

After trying an array of numbers on her cell, she decided 8 years is old enough to be left home alone for 2 or 3 hours,because that's all its going to take to fly to next city and fly back.Even though she loathes to leave her son alone when storm is approaching she decided it was the only option. She has already instructed Bran about what to do, where to hide,if in case... And also she has already stacked the freezer with his favorite food, and bought him a new video game to play...That is not enough, she knows but that's all she could do!!! and pray that its enough to keep him safe.

She quickly got ready. After instructing Bran one more round about what to do and what not to do, she kissed him and hugged him and said "I love you". Bran gave her his wide smile and kissed her back saying "i love you too mamma". They kept on waving to each other till she reached the car. With a final wave back to her son she took the car out of the driveway. when she adjusted the rear view mirror to reflect the window by which Bran was standing, she could feel tears running down her cheeks....and deep in her heart as well.

* * * * *

The meeting was delayed to start by the fact that client joined them late.The delay was further enhanced by the rush at the airport. The people was fleeing the city for the safety of near by towns or summer houses.Once commenced,it again dragged on for more than an hour.finally the jet reached the next airport and the legal formalities of the deal was done.She was free to go. After an exchange of pleasantries, she parted with her colleagues.They will continue on for an overnight party too but she has to get back to Bran.

 She moved to reservation counter to confirm her ticket. The airport was crowded with people. She looked at her watch.It was already 5 hours since she left Bran.Her heart yearned for her son.she tried to reach her son by phone but she couldn't.somehow the line wouldn't connect.When she reached the ticket-counter the final blow and revelation came.

The Storm had already pitched the mainland and the communication is jeopardized ,so is the airline services.All the planes to the city is canceled due to visibility problems.Her only consolation was that the Storm has taken a deviation and has left the interiors pretty much untouched.That meant their home was safe and untouched,that Bran don't have a clue to the devastation that has wreaked just miles from where he is,unless of-course if he watched news. A 8 year old watching news when he has his favorite video game brought to him just yesterday.That put a smile to her face despite her dilemma.She was happy that her son is safe and also not terrified by the storm roaming in their vicinity.She thanked God for that.

She was able to get a compensatory flight to the terminal nearest to her city.From there she might probably be able to reach home by land. But soon other worries started to get hold of her. The fact that he knows not of the storm also means that he will panic if she don't reach him before dark. and that made her run over to the nearest bus terminal for a ride back home the moment  she landed in the airport.

* * * * *

She was startled when she heard that.There was no buses to the city.She realize that the visibility issue and damaged roads has played her again.Not to mention the heavy fog.Only resolve left was to get a private ride back to city. A taxi would serve, but no one would come for that much distance and in such a weather.Finally she found an exception, a 'rent a car' agent whom she would like to picture as a humanitarian who understood her problem and was compassionate about it,even-though his eyes lit up at the words 'thrice the fair'. But the compassionate fellow was not ready to risk his neck. So he suggested that she take the car and drive herself to home. 

So she set out alone into the fog with just the road ahead visible by the headlight. But once the stubbornness was washed away by loneliness and invisibility of road, fear crept in and slowly the tears. She thought back on everything she had endured in her life.Her struggles,her despair,her loses...
it was like the fate was always playing some cruel game with her.New fears overwhelmed her....what if the news is wrong and the storm has passed through her town as well...what if Bran is....NO...no...he fine she told herself....But more deeper she moved into the white mist more she felt lost.Despite the urge to reach her son, all her past life and everything she had faced made her to slam on the brakes.She stared at sky and cried aloud "WHY?....haven't you had enough..".

Desperately she started the car again and continued to move along the road.All the way to home she asked God a thousand questions that searched answers for several 'Whys'. But finally that road ended at her home.In the driveway she saw another car. Her heart raced, has something happened to her son.she rushed to the door and started to pound on it.After a few heavy knocks the door was opened by Bran himself screaming "mama". She kissed her son several times before she could notice the man sitting on couch.He rose up when her gaze fell on him.

His name was Joseph he told.He was the parish priest.he had called all houses in the parish to offer solace in such troubled times.So when Bran picked up and told mommy has not come, he came over to make sure everything is ok.

When he smiled and invited her to come to church often , she saw her answers.She could here a voice in her heart, "when you are tired come to me,I will take care of you". She understood that God has not left her alone to take care of Bran. Without her knowing He had appointed others too.

When you have done everything you can,and still if you feel its not enough.If you feel you don't have the skill or resources for a task, any task.Do your best and leave the rest for God.Because he knows what you can and cannot.And He has acted even before you had started to worry.So have faith.

The Tricolour Nation

Under a saffron sky does my nation rest
After a day's labour at sunset
After all the hard work and sacrifice
for freedom, Ask yourself, does this day's work suffice.

66 years have we celebrated independence
But still we wave flags and struggle in penance 
Would this be Our India, if we had strived
for progress instead of getting starved.

Under the whites of snow caped glaciers
In undying vigil stand our soldiers
But we lets ourselves loot and plunder
A nation that was the world’s wonder

What does it takes to ask why
When you know everything is a lie
We say we don’t care
But all of us aspire

In green pastures of our nation 
We forgets our troubles and tension
We see our hope for future
And the will to celebrate despite our worries.

Because Mine is a Nation forged from Blood
We accept all that is good
Sworn to peace and to people
And we build all what we are from rubble

A Call.....

It was a Sunday evening. I had just watched a movie. Inspirational.... my thoughts were in motion. Like a raging sea stirred by the wind. I started to think to myself ...about the world, about what we are..What we can do...etc etc ..You know the usual bullshit. But there was no one to talk to...so I picked up my mobile and went to its contact book, searching for names that would enjoy such a conversations….

The phone started to ring on the other side.It was picked up by a familiar voice spiced by surprise...Well, he should be,I usually don't make phone calls unless absolutely necessary.."Helloooooo..." the voice said.I replied by a shorter version."Hello".

"Hmm....It  has been long since u called.."he complained.

"If you had missed me ...hey news for you ..mobiles work both ways.." I striked back..

 I heard small smile at the other end..

"So what now ...Anything special...."

"Well ..I just finished a movie ...It was inspirational ..so I just thought I will do some complaining about the world and order of things in the world couldn't find a mike and podium..so I thought of calling you...u interested in hearing it..."

"Shoot it out ...always good to hear you..."

And so it went... I talked about all the stuff that came to mind he replied in same manner..till my mobile's money exhausted. Then he called back and we exhausted his bill too..We accomplished nothing, but something felt good.

I thing that is what friendship is all about. A group of people where you can talk any nonsense ..who will hear you out. Even though it's stupid .But if don’t have someone to talk freely ..Then all this thoughts will eat you up..

Thanks Friends ..For tolerating me…J

Its been raining

dedicated to S8R  ........................

Its been raining, all the day

Each drop shinning, in its own way

like those moments,and little merries

That we made together, for four years.

Rain ends in the puddle,with a dance

We all danced , as if in a trance

On the farewell’s eve,where we said our bye

To make it a memory,that won’t die.

The rain has stopped , up is the Sun

So we come to part, after all the fun

Sweet memories,just like a rainbow

To dear friends,who made it do i bow.

LIke the Silent Breeze

please leave your comments for inspiration.... 

26^th September is just like every other ordinary day. I am on a train that takes me to my usual destination. I was on the side seat with a view over the platform reading ’The Zahir’ by Paulo Coelho. The book was very good. Some where it touched me. The journey is as usual boring.

The train stopped at a intermediate station. Here something interesting happened. A guy, an ordinary guy stepped into the train. He wasn’t extremely handsome or attractive but something in him caught my eye. I wanted to start a conversation with him. But I didn’t want to alarm him or make him think that I am one of those girls who are hungry for making friends out of strangers. So I waited for him to speak first.

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I was waiting at an intermediate station. This station was an ordinary station. The only reason one would step on these platforms is either to go home or to do some small time business. If you get on a train from this station to Mumbai the girls on the train will ignore you because they think we are the few who will never make it big time. In my case I am here for doing a small business in local neighborhood. I waited for the regular train. Finally after long waiting the train arrived .it was not a usual busy time so I was able to get on the train without much ado. I finally found a seat facing a charming girl. Actually she wasn’t that pretty but something in her caught my eye so I settled down and waited for chance to speak. Finally I found one.

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I closed the book that I was reading then I paused and looked out of window hoping he would ask for the book. And you know what, he asked.

“Can I take a look at that book” he asked.

I pretended like I haven’t heard him. I waited for him to speak louder otherwise I thought he would think that I was eager for him to talk. But it turned out to be a bad idea. Because he didn’t   ask again.

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I made up my mind. I took a draw at all the courage I can amass and asked the girl for the book. She pretended to have not heard what I said. Well, that is it. She is also another one of those girls who belittles the men with 5 digits salary and honest job, the new found trend of Mumbai. Suddenly she lost all the charm in my heart.

But I was wrong, she was different.

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He seems to have taken air of self importance suddenly. For him all of a sudden I was nonexistent. Now I must make a move before the train reaches the station.

 “Have you asked the book?” she said.

“Yes. I have. You seems to have little hearing problem. Or is it that you perceive everything late.”He spoke with sarcasm.

“I was not finished reading it then. So... but you may take a look if you need” she said.

“No thanks. The station approaches in minutes” he said. “Are you a fan of Paulo Coelho” he asked again.

“Yeah  ... But I read all kind of book” she said

he slowly winked “it seems you have so much free time”. She just smiled.

“Who are your favorite authors” he asked. ”I read a lot. So I don't keep track”

She replied. “Who are yours?”  

“mine! I read only a little....” and with a small smile he listed about 100 names, many the girl had never heard. She bowed her head ashamed. “Apart from reading a 'LOT' what else do you do?” He asked.

“I have finished my degree and is doing social service.” she said.

“You mean you have a club to hang out with a group” he said in half mock.

“No. We go to villages and teach children freely. We provide books and materials as well guidance for future. We do it part time basis. Most of us have other jobs too. But I am now into it full time” she said it with pride.

The reply was a respectful smile. “What do you do?”

“I am a publisher’s assistant. I also write for some dailies, weeklies etc.”

The girl nodded with some respect.

The conversation prolonged as the train moved on in its rhythm. Finally the train stopped with shrill whistle signaling the arrival of the Mumbai station. And both passengers stood up wishing the journey was longer for first time in their life.

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The moved towards the pavement. Suddenly a loud noise was heard. People stared to run around. And suddenly he grabbed her from behind and fell on the pavement rolling. She raised her head when the commotion has subsided to find a bullet wounded him next to her. The light in his eyes was fainting. He didn't say the word and she hasn't given him that kind of thought but she knew she has lost something that she will never find again something very precious. The ambulance came she went with the body in shocked silence. She didn't reply to the queries of many. In her heart she cherished the small hope that he could be saved. All the channels were there. The reporters were talking about some terrorist attacks. She was asked to comment but she didn't. In the hospital the doctor declared him dead. Without a word she walked to the open. All of a sudden rain started to pour down. And then as if awaken from a dream she was shocked into the reality. She wept and wept again. She continued to walk. A taxi stopped in front of her “madam why get wet... please  ...” the driver said. She got in.”The beach”She said. The driver gave her scornful look. He might be thinking who goes to a beach in rain. But he took her there. When the taxi reached the beach the rain has stopped. She stood there rubbing the tears of her cheeks. She used to come there when she gets upset. When it was dark and the sun has sunk into the sea, she slowly left the beach. The wind seems to be murmuring in her ears something.

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The sea asked the wind. “What a loss! Do you think that she shall find someone who shall make her feel the same.” the wind blow gently over the sea like caressing her and with a small kiss he told. “Yes my dear. She will. Love is a strange feeling. Many people have tried to put that into words but haven’t been able to conjure up something that can define everything that is love. And now it has entered her life all of a sudden and left the same way. it was like a silent breeze that sooth you for a second and then it is gone but memory stays. Love makes you feel everything else unimportant. It is that one emotion that makes you feel that someone else is more important than you. That person fills your world. You don’t own he but you are his and he is yours. It defines every love in the universe let that be between mother and child, couples, true friendship, siblings. But it is strongest in “The Love”. Sometimes it doesn’t matter whether you are together or separated by great distances even when you know that it is long gone as in death. Like the memory of a breeze stays with you and warms your heart, make you wonder how something that is natural and insignificant as a breeze is priceless, the memory of the love stays with you.

Yes, it will be difficult for her to find life as it was before. But she will find happiness again. When the rain has fallen, and hot days of sun are over, the autumn will come again. She shall experience the breeze again. And when it kisses those soft cheeks it shall find it wasn’t the first. But it won’t turn into a gale but it shall understand and feel lucky it wasn’t late. He shall understand even though the heart has another memory that it cherish, it will truly be filled with his. Because love is never shared but given in full, like everyone at the beach perceives the same gentle touch of the breeze and feel it special when they spread their arms and close their eyes to welcome it. She will find someone who can perceive what her love is.”

sea gave slow murmur and said “but wouldn't it annoy the other that she feels a presence though not visible to any eye, deep in her heart”

The wind smiled. “Oh yes. Hasn’t for centuries the poet have sung songs about the sun's love to you. The way he rises from you at dawn with a kiss and returns to you at twilight again kissing. Some says that he sleeps in you. But The Sun knows that it is me that gives you your song, makes you dance in merry and lets you charge with spirit. It's I who lets you have your silver braces of foam on your shoreline; it's I who is always with you as your rhythm, your breath, always caressing you, riding with you in your fall and rise. Nobody sees me and everyone feels me through you. Together we exist as a whole but still the sun shows his shiny face over you, gives your skin the glint of gold and shine. He never complains, never show a dark face. So she too shall find another.”